hey listen im gay as fuck but girls? yall are all gorgeous have a nice day
hey listen, im a huge lesbian but boys? yall are all handsome have a nice day
hey listen, im bisexual and everyone? gorgeous, have a good day!
I was at my cousin’s house for a family barbecue and she shushed us all bc her neighbor ‘The Captain’ was walking by with a dog, and he was just some skinny guy with a long ponytail and a captain’s hat walking an irish wolfhound so we all like ‘what’s the big deal’ but she told us to wait and then like ten minutes later he passed again on his way back to his house but he just…had a different dog. it was like a cocker spaniel. she said every day he leaves the house with the wolfhound and comes back with the tiny dog and she’s never seen them get returned either way. she can never find out where he walks to. shes been watching him for years. my family was freaking the fuck out one of my other cousins looked like he was about to have an aneurysm.
This is comedy gold
Steve: swear words are illegal now! If you say one you go to jail!
Dustin: heck
Steve: you’re on thin fucking ice
Steve: oh no
1) admiring your piercing/tattoo/hairstyle/outfit
2) trying to figure out if I know you
3) think you’re gorgeous and can’t help myself
